Posts Tagged ‘Married’

INTERGENERATIONAL EXCHANGES:

A STUDY OF ELDERLY AND THEIR MARRIED CHILDREN

Dr. Anupam Bahri

INTRODUCTION:

The parent-child bond is a continuum of emotional support that lasts a life time of both, the parent and the offspring. This bipolar, linear interaction can vary in frequency, quality and type depending on the age, interests and needs of the two generations. During early childhood the relationship between parent and child is constant and largely unidirectional, because the children are highly dependent on their parents for support. During adolescence, this interaction declines in frequency and becomes more reciprocal as both generations tend to influence each other either through conflict or concordance. The relationship would most probably be characterized by conflict over values, beliefs and behavior (Alpert and Richardson, 1980). Then these very children eventually establish their own families and begin to experience interactions from the parental perspective the relationship with their own parents may decrease further in quantity and quality as new demands are placed on them. Finally as new demands enter midlife and parents grow old, interaction may increase especially if elderly parent becomes increasingly dependent on an adult child. In this situation the relationship once again becomes primarily linear, but in the opposite direction that is, from that of the adult children. More help is given to parents, especially with respect to healthcare. However, there may be a continuing socio-cultural and economic exchange developing in both directions, although whether the direction is parent to child or child to parent may depend on the socio- economic status of the two generations.

Within the family there are physical, emotional, economic and social resources that can be exchanged in a serial or reciprocal manner, depending on the need of the parent or child generation. Serial exchanges tend to be prevalent and generally represent a downward flow of assistance from the older generation to the younger generation because of a sense of responsibility and affection (Moore, 1966). Reciprocal exchange or a two way flow is most common among the central and oldest generations, especially among the middle class. Johnson and Bursk (1977) found that 93 per cent of the elderly in the study, who had adult children, were engaged in a reciprocal pattern of exchange.

This process of exchange usually involved services like babysitting, and/ or nursing the infants that is their grandchildren, counseling, shopping, household maintenance, gifts like money, clothes, appliances, and air or train tickets for visits or interaction in the form of face to face visits, telephone calls or letters (Hill, 1965; Synge et.al., 1981). The form and frequency of exchange varies greatly among families and is influenced by a number of social factors. These include residential propinquity, social class, children?s sex, their own race and ethnicity as well as that of the children, age of the middle and oldest generations and the degree of filial maturity (that is growing concern about parents in the middle years: Blenkner, 1965).The greater the extent to which elderly parents live in proximity to children, the greater the likelihood of visiting and exchanging goods or services.

Class differences in frequency and type of exchange have been found in many studies (Troll and Bengtson, 1979; Neugartan 1979; Lacy and Hendricks, 1980). Shanas (1967), in a study of family help patterns among approximately 25,000 people over 65 years of age in Britain, Denmark and the United States, found that members of every social class were engaged in reciprocal assistance. However, since size of family, living arrangements, family values and economic position varied by social class, the amount, form and frequency of mutual aid also varied. Studies have shown that working?class parents are more likely to exchange services; that the middle class is more likely to exhibit patterns of serial exchange from the oldest to youngest generations. This form of reciprocity is more common among the working class and there is more face to face interaction among the working class. Among them there is more telephoning and letter writing among the middle class because of greater social and geographical mobility.

A marked difference in gender reciprocation has also been observed in familial exchange relationships. Sons often perceived assisting older parents as an instrumental act resulting from an obligation to repay a past debt, whereas daughters, because of long-standing, expressive lineal mother daughter ties, perceived assistance as an expressive, act which they wanted to or needed to perform. As a result, sons generally provided more financial assistance and frequently took decisions about the care of the parents. Daughters almost always seemed to be the primary caregivers (Horowitz, 1981). This may also be because women are more likely to play the traditional nurturing role, because the mother-daughter relationship is strengthened during the adult years, especially after the daughter has become a mother and subsequent sharing has taken place for the care of the little ones( Fischer, 1981). Marshall et.al., (1982) found that daughters worry about parental health more so than do sons. Interestingly enough it is the health of the father which generates more concern and worry than that of mother.

From the perspective of elderly parents, it appears that they primarily offer financial assistance to sons and services to daughters. However, there are great interfamily variations, depending on class and on the individual interest of the parents. If they are still employed, younger grandparents may have neither the time for nor the interest in performing baby sitting or other care-giving service roles. As a result, they may replace this personal assistance with loans or gifts of money.

Another factor influencing the type and frequency of exchange and assistance is the sense of filial responsibility or experiencing filial maturity. This represents the extent to which adult children feel obligated to meet the basic needs of their ageing parents. While the family is an important source of aid and support for the elderly, the expectations of the parents and children as to what should be done may or may not coincide. The chronological age of the children may determine their desirability to assist or interact with their parents. Adult children with very old parents may also be retired and have their own economic and health concerns. Therefore, they may be less able or willing to assist their ageing parents and may tend to abdicate some of their filial responsibility to public or private social service agencies (Gelfand et.al., 1978).

From the perspective of the ageing parents, expectations for filial responsibility seem to be higher with increasing age among females and among the widowed or divorced, if they have few economic resources, if health fails and if their general level of morale or life satisfaction is low (Seelback, 1977, 1978; Seelback and Sauer, 1977). In short, the perception of filial responsibility may influence interaction patterns in later years, where expectations differ, family solidarity is weakened, overt conflict is visible and public or private social agencies may be required to fill the void for visiting, health and household services.

Most research has focused on the type and frequency of exchange between ageing parents and adult children. Quantity rather than quality has been the central concern. Johnson and Bursk (1977) and Johnson (1978) found that the quality of the relationship is influenced by the health, economic and housing situation of the elderly and by attitudes to their personal ageing experience. The level of the affect was higher when the parents were in good health and held positive feelings about their personal ageing process. They also noted that there was more quality interaction in the relationship when parents were socially active outside the extended family. The studies on old age in India are still in their infancy as most of the studies were conducted in the 1960s, or efforts were made to explore the problems of old people. Later, in the 1970s and 1980s social scientists focused attention on issues like the status and role of old people in rural or urban communities and their adjustment in old age. As per Indian studies Mishra (1987) in his study conducted on retired male government employees in Chandigarh found a direct link and a positive correlation between health conditions and their subsequent adjustment. Poor health often leads to the redefinition of the scope of their parental role. Poor health leads to more assistance from adult offspring and it also contributes significantly to negative self feeling.

In other studies conducted by Jamuna (1984, 1987, 1988,1989, 1990,1991), Jumna and Ramamurti (1984, 1989) and Asha and Subramaniam (1990) the problems of aging like adjustment patterns, role activities and acceptance besides husband-wife communication have been examined in detail. They found that as the aging process goes on, it brings in several changes for the individual in terms of role playing and adjustments to be made at various stages. It requires adjustments to changing relations of authority and difference, to changing health situations, inter-generational problems, relations between the spouses, as also economic, social and psychological problems, following ?exit? situations like death and bereavement. All these call for adjustment between the aging individual and other members of the family as well as the community. Taking a clue from the research studies conducted in the area and in order to fill the gap in the existing studies the researcher in the present study has attempted to focus on the quality of exchanges rather than quantity of exchange among the elderly parents and their married children in the form of intergenerational exchanges.

MAIN OBJECTIVE:

(i)

Tags: , , , , , ,
Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off

How a Head Cold Got Me Married

And how could marriage result from a mere head cold? Why, I squirm as if caught in a velvet trap?well, I could, but my husband is standing right behind me and might ask me what I?m sitting on. Yes, it?s been nothing but high misadventure for me, especially since I lost my extremely brave and sincere first husband, a wonderful Austrian-American Jew, to combined MS and cancer in February of 1985.

I loved him so much?even after more than a dozen intensive, fascinating, and downright roller-coaster relationships before then, my first real commitment, he was still the only man I ever truly loved (Remerio, stop looking at this over my shoulder!)

Anyway, several eventful years and as many nerve-wracking, tumultuous, and sanity-defying relationships later, I landed in the plastic schoolroom seat in front of Remerio, my future second husband, in a five-week Certified Nurse Aide class held at a nursing home near Northgate in Seattle, next to a merrily perking and brewing coffee pot. Innocent and unknowing, I was headed for yet another high-pitched roller coaster ride.

All my relationships, especially as an adult, have been crazy ones. My first husband thought he lucked out marrying his sexy young attendant. In his early thirties, Gary was dying horribly, often in great pain, and I was forced to fall deeply in love with his stubborn courage and what was ebbing away of his once trim and athletic youthful body. He was the first person who truly needed, wanted, and loved me. His courage lasted completely, until the very end. Oh, how I have missed his loving, gentle arms.

After he died, I had several wild, bitter and tragically brief affairs. If I ever write about everything that happened, it would make three or four excellent trashy novels. Whatever, it was fun being single again, a vast relief from the hours of watching over Gary?s dying and emaciated form.

But Remerio stopped my new single life cold simply by kicking the frail back of my chair in CNA class?HARD! He received all my undivided attention, distracting me from talking to a fellow classmate, a middle-aged black lady. He caught me in the middle of accidentally sniffling at her. I apparently was coming down with a major sinus infection head cold.

Really, I would like to think ?twas because he preferred the pretty, teasingly mid-calf length crisp white skirt I was wearing for the first time there to the pretty much bulkily pantaloned and overweight other female denizens of our CNA class. Well, Grace, the middle-aged black lady, was only sitting pat. A hard worker of several years standing, she was being ?grandfathered in? as a CNA, but still had to take the class.

Remerio may have been trying to protect her from me, as I?d been sniffling at her for the last four sessions…such was vengeance from Karen the Terrible! SNIFF!!! Or, maybe it was merely the head cold talking.

Grace was sitting to the right front, I was seated to the rear left, and I was mildly jealous of her degree of nursing home experience. I was fitfully ?taking it out? on Grace. I was casting her sidelong glances, and sniffling loudly and intermittently. It was quite embarrassing. So I started guiltily fetching her a hot cup of coffee sometimes, as the pot was brewing closer to me than her. It would’ve been hard for Grace to squeeze between the seats and fetch herself a hot, fresh cup without spilling it. I began getting her some coffee.

Sometimes I added creamer. I even stirred it with the little red plastic stir sticks. She finally asked me to add a sugar packet, please.

She liked the coffee, but our distantly commiserative relationship as two ladies of eldercare was rudely interrupted by the rapid-fire entrance of Remerio?s sneakered foot through the reverberating back of my nearly shattering cheap plastic chair. I?ve lovingly saved the black marks on the back of my white nursing jacket for years.

Turning around, right after the ?kick-off,? I astonishingly faced a middle-aged, awfully hate-ridden, and flatly Hispanic cold stare. This angry face, however, reminded me of a similar nut-brown countenance, a Middle-Eastern teacher I?d been attracted to ?way back at Ohio University in 1978. Said chap always mispronounced the word ?equilibrium? in a characteristic accent that could shatter a glass retort. He explained the rules of physical science to us neophyte med students in as high of a pitch as he could muster, but it was musical and alluring somehow?and this kicky guy behind me looked a lot like him.

Remerio turned out to be a quite engaging and multi-talented Philippino/Hawaiian import, a seventh-degree black belt martial arts expert, a fabulous chef of all regional cuisines and one heck of a lip-locking rugged kisser, in approximately that order. I was an artist and writer of long standing who needed some work “on the side,” so I’d decided to take a Certified Nurse Aide training course and move in with a little old lady I knew who needed the help. It was a great free way to continue with my career without interference. But now this new guy had shown up in my life. What can you do when they come at you from behind like that? I tried out assuming there was something nice about him.

He gradually broke down in his enmity towards me, merrily chasing me to the bus stop in his beat-up old blue and white pickup truck. He soon followed me home, and Mommy said I could keep him. Actually, ?Mommy? was that little old lady, Carrie, a disabled, fellow “freckly” dwarf (you could spot her) I was working for and living with at the time. She needed extensive in-home care, and Remerio went right to work helping us move into a larger apartment, even cooking and cleaning for us. I scarcely had to lift a finger; Remerio was simply everywhere, driving us to church and generally relieving me of my cares and woes until Carrie abruptly died, peacefully in her sleep. Well, possibly those Catholic nurses gave her a lethal injection. She may have been wandering around at night and screaming her lungs out. She had a very bad knee problem, and had kept me awake nights frequently with it. Again, what can you do?

We married a week and a day after Cinquo de Mayo, 1991. We?re still madly in love, and on Christmas day of 1994 we were blessed by a Pinay from Heaven, our little princess Angela, nut-brown as her Daddy and sporting my chipmunk cheekbones. Yes, Remerio is crazy about me now. We should be okay, as long as they don?t use the nets.

This incident may be the only time in history that a cold-stricken gal every attracted a lonely, jealously protective guy through being an apparently obvious, blatant and coffee-fetching sniffing presumed bigot. Bigots and non-bigots alike, take note.

I guess I?d suggest that more single white ladies, and any other intrigued parties, try sniffling (or sniffing) at nearby black people to see whose attention they furtively attract. Of course, you may inadvertently attract a black person, which might work out quite well for you, especially if they happen to be an excellent cook — as the husband of a friend of mine (who used this method) turned out to be. Hope that he or she has a sense of humor. Or, believe in whatever powers that may be.

If so, it helps a lot if you fetch them some coffee. It soothes their tired, ruffled feathers. Seems some folks are more descendants of birds than lizards.

Be sure and add some cream and sugar.

Executive Director and President of Rainbow Writing, Inc., Karen Cole Peralta writes. RWI at www.bookauthorswriters.com and www.rainbowriting.com is a world renowned inexpensive professional freelance book authors, ghost writers, copy editors, proof readers, coauthors, manuscript rewriters, graphics and CAD, publishing helpers, and website developers international service corporation. And Four Seasons CDROM Store sells inexpensive cds: fun arcade games, business and e-book software and computer learning tutorials, all state of the art, at www.cdrommarket.com .

Tags: , ,
Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off

24 hr live-in caregivers in Texas is Digg proof thanks to caching by WP Super Cache!

Powered by Yahoo! Answers