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Posts Tagged ‘Elders’
Old Colony Elder Services Urges Elders Needing Home Care to Apply
by bobcrabtree1 Posted: Monday, 1/18/2010Commonwealth Advisory Group Concentrates on Helping Frail Elders Stay at Home
by bobcrabtree1 Posted: Monday, 1/18/2010
When Elders Are Financially Exploited By Friends, Family and Caregivers
by bobcrabtree1 Posted: Sunday, 1/17/2010It is a sad fact that most people who financially exploit the elderly get away with it. They often find it so easy that they do it time and time again. Each time the Exploiter becomes more and more bold. They act as though they are entitled to this money and no one else deserves it. This is why they must be prosecuted. There will be another victim.
Prosecuting these crimes is difficult for the State Attorney because of how it is done. In my career as a Professional Geriatric Care Manager in South Florida I have noticed a definite step-by-step process, almost a formula, that these Exploiters use to separate elders from their life savings. In many cases the Exploiter actually gets permission from the elder to take their money. Because of this, it can be argued that the elder “allowed” their assets to be taken and therefore, no crime took place. Furthermore, to argue that an elder was easily influenced by the Exploiter is to imply that the elder is incompetent and perhaps should not be in control of any of their finances. Few elders want to admit that. Instead they justify the theft or even cover it up. Once the elder realizes that they have been victimized, they may feel responsible, guilty or embarrassed. Few will testify against the one who stole from them.
When we think of someone who steals from the elderly, we conjure an image of the stranger lurking around the ATM machine or scam artist selling bogus products. Since Investment Broker, Bernard Madoff “made off’ with his client’s millions, we have all become familiar with the term “ponzi scheme”. But this type of financial exploitation is rare compared to the financial exploitation elder care professionals see every day which is perpetrated by an elderly person’s friends, family and caregivers. In cases I have worked I have seen that THIS type of exploitation achieved slowly, purposely and in FIVE PREDICTABLE STEPS. It is often done so artfully, that the elder and others around them see it happening but cannot believe it is true. They ignore all the small telltales signs. When the situation finally explodes, the FIVE STEPS are then seen as clear as day. By then it may be too late to do anything about it.
Here are the STEPs. Learn to recognize them and you may prevent this horrible crime from happening to yourself or someone you care about.
STEP ONE: The Exploiter comes to the rescue – they become a caregiver or helpmate when the person suffers a crisis. They may do extra favors for the elder without pay and refuse to take payment even when offered…at first. The Exploiter will later remind the elder of the favors and cause them to feel indebted to them.
STEP TWO: The Exploiter convinces the elder that they are the only one who cares about their welfare. The elder is brainwashed to believe that the true family only wants their money.
STEP THREE: The Exploiter separates the elder emotionally and physically from their family. They bring in their own family to be the “replacement family”. Next they tell the elder they are like family to them. May may even start to call the elder ” Mom” or “Dad”. They may deny the true family access to calling or visiting the elder and cause others in the community to regard the true family as exploiters. The elder may never know about all the family’s attempts to reach them.
STEP FOUR: The Exploiter gets permission to use the elder’s credit card, ATM card or other money for a small purchase. Then they continue to use the elder’s assets and transfer assets little by little to their own account or distribute assets among the Exploiter’s family members. The Exploiter may shop for the elder but purchase items for themselves as well. They may take the elder out to dinner but also invite their whole family and have the elder pay for it. When the Exploiter’s car needs repair or gas, the elder is asked to pay for since that car is used to shop or transport the elder. The elder will feel they have no choice but to agree.
STEP FIVE: Finally, the Exploiter will attempt to take legal control over the person. They may become Power of Attorney, change the Will to disinherit the family and bequeath assets to them self and or their family. A few years ago, I had a case where an attorney changed the Will of a confused dying woman to give her home and assets to an aide whom she had only known for two years. This was especially heinous because that lawyer had previously written the Will for the family and knew that the heirs existed. This family fought the caregiver in court and had to settle for about one tenth of their original estate. I testified against the the attorney and he has tried to retaliate against me several times since. A few weeks ago I testified in a case where a caregiver in her forties married a ninety- four year old man. She was previously his maid for about two years. She had a notary perform the ceremony in their living room while her children served as witnesses. This act automatically disinherited the elderly man’s entire family. The marriage was challenged and annulled. The elderly man was deemed incompetent by a court of law and assigned a guardian of his assets.
The secret weapon these perpetrators use is LOVE, ATTENTION, FAMILY- LIKE CONNECTION and even SEX…all the things human beings need but may not get once they are aged. In South Florida, many seniors retire to this area only to find themselves thousands of miles from their original family when they need them the most. This isolation creates a dangerous opportunity for exploiters.
If someone you love has a person in their life, be it friend, family, caregiver, or even a trusted professional and you feel they are taking over that person’s finances, lifestyle and even thought processes, get professional help! Contact a professional such as a Geriatric Care Manager or an Elder Law attorney and make sure someone contacts Adult Protective Services. The reality is that the police and State Attorney’s office will need you to practically build the case for them in order for them to prosecute. The evidence may need to be gathered secretly in order not to cause the Exploiter to quickly move to STEP FIVE. Most importantly, take action immediately. Know that the elder will feel you are meddling and taking over. They will not thank you for this because they have already been convinced that the Exploiter has somehow earned their loyalty and their money. Act anyway because it is the right thing to do.
When Elders Are Financially Exploited By Friends, Family and Caregivers
by bobcrabtree1 Posted: Sunday, 1/17/2010It is a sad fact that most people who financially exploit the elderly get away with it. They often find it so easy that they do it time and time again. Each time the Exploiter becomes more and more bold. They act as though they are entitled to this money and no one else deserves it. This is why they must be prosecuted. There will be another victim.
Prosecuting these crimes is difficult for the State Attorney because of how it is done. In my career as a Professional Geriatric Care Manager in South Florida I have noticed a definite step-by-step process, almost a formula, that these Exploiters use to separate elders from their life savings. In many cases the Exploiter actually gets permission from the elder to take their money. Because of this, it can be argued that the elder “allowed” their assets to be taken and therefore, no crime took place. Furthermore, to argue that an elder was easily influenced by the Exploiter is to imply that the elder is incompetent and perhaps should not be in control of any of their finances. Few elders want to admit that. Instead they justify the theft or even cover it up. Once the elder realizes that they have been victimized, they may feel responsible, guilty or embarrassed. Few will testify against the one who stole from them.
When we think of someone who steals from the elderly, we conjure an image of the stranger lurking around the ATM machine or scam artist selling bogus products. Since Investment Broker, Bernard Madoff “made off’ with his client’s millions, we have all become familiar with the term “ponzi scheme”. But this type of financial exploitation is rare compared to the financial exploitation elder care professionals see every day which is perpetrated by an elderly person’s friends, family and caregivers. In cases I have worked I have seen that THIS type of exploitation achieved slowly, purposely and in FIVE PREDICTABLE STEPS. It is often done so artfully, that the elder and others around them see it happening but cannot believe it is true. They ignore all the small telltales signs. When the situation finally explodes, the FIVE STEPS are then seen as clear as day. By then it may be too late to do anything about it.
Here are the STEPs. Learn to recognize them and you may prevent this horrible crime from happening to yourself or someone you care about.
STEP ONE: The Exploiter comes to the rescue – they become a caregiver or helpmate when the person suffers a crisis. They may do extra favors for the elder without pay and refuse to take payment even when offered…at first. The Exploiter will later remind the elder of the favors and cause them to feel indebted to them.
STEP TWO: The Exploiter convinces the elder that they are the only one who cares about their welfare. The elder is brainwashed to believe that the true family only wants their money.
STEP THREE: The Exploiter separates the elder emotionally and physically from their family. They bring in their own family to be the “replacement family”. Next they tell the elder they are like family to them. May may even start to call the elder ” Mom” or “Dad”. They may deny the true family access to calling or visiting the elder and cause others in the community to regard the true family as exploiters. The elder may never know about all the family’s attempts to reach them.
STEP FOUR: The Exploiter gets permission to use the elder’s credit card, ATM card or other money for a small purchase. Then they continue to use the elder’s assets and transfer assets little by little to their own account or distribute assets among the Exploiter’s family members. The Exploiter may shop for the elder but purchase items for themselves as well. They may take the elder out to dinner but also invite their whole family and have the elder pay for it. When the Exploiter’s car needs repair or gas, the elder is asked to pay for since that car is used to shop or transport the elder. The elder will feel they have no choice but to agree.
STEP FIVE: Finally, the Exploiter will attempt to take legal control over the person. They may become Power of Attorney, change the Will to disinherit the family and bequeath assets to them self and or their family. A few years ago, I had a case where an attorney changed the Will of a confused dying woman to give her home and assets to an aide whom she had only known for two years. This was especially heinous because that lawyer had previously written the Will for the family and knew that the heirs existed. This family fought the caregiver in court and had to settle for about one tenth of their original estate. I testified against the the attorney and he has tried to retaliate against me several times since. A few weeks ago I testified in a case where a caregiver in her forties married a ninety- four year old man. She was previously his maid for about two years. She had a notary perform the ceremony in their living room while her children served as witnesses. This act automatically disinherited the elderly man’s entire family. The marriage was challenged and annulled. The elderly man was deemed incompetent by a court of law and assigned a guardian of his assets.
The secret weapon these perpetrators use is LOVE, ATTENTION, FAMILY- LIKE CONNECTION and even SEX…all the things human beings need but may not get once they are aged. In South Florida, many seniors retire to this area only to find themselves thousands of miles from their original family when they need them the most. This isolation creates a dangerous opportunity for exploiters.
If someone you love has a person in their life, be it friend, family, caregiver, or even a trusted professional and you feel they are taking over that person’s finances, lifestyle and even thought processes, get professional help! Contact a professional such as a Geriatric Care Manager or an Elder Law attorney and make sure someone contacts Adult Protective Services. The reality is that the police and State Attorney’s office will need you to practically build the case for them in order for them to prosecute. The evidence may need to be gathered secretly in order not to cause the Exploiter to quickly move to STEP FIVE. Most importantly, take action immediately. Know that the elder will feel you are meddling and taking over. They will not thank you for this because they have already been convinced that the Exploiter has somehow earned their loyalty and their money. Act anyway because it is the right thing to do.
Geriatric Care Managers and Elder Health Care Professionals Committed To Providing Senior Care Management, Guardianship, and Long Term Care Planning. Also can call toll free at V.I.P. Care management, inc. 1-877-588-5158
When elderly members are ill, family members and friends can be key ingredients to their successful recuperation. Caregivers often seek opportunities to demonstrate love and caring, to eliminate stress, and provide a peaceful environment for their loved one. Focus becomes seeking ways to express love, listening for expressed needs, and intervening for patient comfort.
Controlling sound in a hospital or nursing home environment can be an important ingredient for peace, comfort, and harmony for both the recuperating elder and the caregiving family member. Sound therapy is a way of balancing sound waves and frequencies in the external environment with the internal waves and frequencies of the human body.
Intervention, Comfort, and Support–
Sounds can affect patients both emotionally and physically. Distractions because of extraneous noise can be a source of stress and diminish comfort, creating restlessness and discontent. Use of appropriate sound therapy tools and strategies can promote and rejuvenate brainwaves, thereby promoting relaxation and comfort.
Proper use of sound therapy such as soothing sound machines or soft music can help create positive mental balance and promote harmony to functions of internal body organs while assisting in encouraging better sleep. This creates a win-win situation for both the elderly and their caregivers.
Improving the home or hospital room environment through sound therapy?
Because our bodies are composed of a series of waves and frequencies, we respond to sound at different levels of comfort depending on the type of sounds. Sound therapy, therefore, can provide an enormous benefit to hospice patients and their families. In an environment in which a variety of physical and emotional situations can affect balance and harmony, introduction of sound therapy becomes a beneficial tool no matter the age of the patient or family member. In an atmosphere where lack of control of environmental interruptions is ever present, sound therapy allows both patient and family members to temporarily influence their responses and reduce stress.
Sound therapy can help eliminate mental causes of worry while easing physical tension, shock, and anger over situations that cannot be controlled. Specifically, sound therapy will:
? Reduces stress
? Relieves anxiety
? Encourages calm thinking
? Provides physical relaxation
? Encourages restful sleep
How Can You Provide Sound Therapy Balance?
It is important to monitor and adjust the room atmosphere. This can be accomplished using such instruments as soothing sound machines, relaxing music tapes, or reading favorite scripture verses or stories.
Avoid overuse of television. TV sounds can negatively affect the atmosphere in the room. Messages may also include loud noises and sounds from commercials or programs that can abruptly shock and traumatize body functions, creating mental discord.
Family members and friends, who are directly involved in elder care, can be a positive source of harmony and comfort by dealing with causes of physical and mental distress. These suggestions are also helpful to the caregiver who is an active participant in a “transitioning of life” process.
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When You deal with Elders
When you are dealing with elders and people who are senior in age, you must ensure that your behaviour is within the four corners established by the society in which we live and those limits must never be crossed. The elders and the people who are senior in age always expect that they should be dealt with properly by the juniors in age and their will must be honoured. It never pays when we insult a person. He will become our enemy and such a course must be avoided. If elders and senior in age are not so strong to become enemies, they can curse you and this curse is more damaging than the actual force utilization against us. We must try to earn blessings because when elders bless us, that gives encouragement to us and strength. We become stronger and we work with self confidence believing that henceforth we shall be the winners. We must realize and accept this fact of life that it is always better to go to a place of worship and perform some rites there to serve and help an elderly man and get his blessings. We may be praying from the core of our heart or it could be more ritual, but when an elderly person blesses us because of help, respect and regard shown to him, he will be doing all these things from the core of his heart and when somebody blesses us from the core of his heart, it is God speaking Himself. We must try to have such opportunities in life.
There are many things to consider when caring for an elderly loved one. Now that people are living well and living longer, elder healthcare has become very important. This relatively new area of healthcare and provider services is often referred to as elder care. It encompasses a wide variety of issues which include: choosing an appropriate physician or physicians to care for an aging patient, setting up home care is possible, and making decisions about moving the patient from his or her home to a residential care setting. Persons age 65 and older are the fastest growing segment of America’s population. Many in this population are living a healthy, active, independent life; however, as more and more people reach their 80s and 90s, the number of people who need assistance with daily living is increasing, as are the responsibilities of those who are providing the care. The statistics on elder healthcare may surprise you.
According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Administration on Aging, the elder population, (those age 65 and older), numbered more than 35 million Americans in recent reports. Since people are living longer, these numbers are constantly increasing and not expected to dip any time soon.
Also reported by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Administration on Aging, the number of elders increased 12 percent since 1990, , compared to a 13.3 percent increase of the population under 65 during the same time period. Today, persons who reach age 65 have an average life expectancy of an additional 17.9 years. This calculates out to 19.2 years more for women, and 16.3 more for men than what was estimated in the year 1900.
In 1900, the average life expectancy was 49.2 years, whereas today, it is 76.9. As you can see, this has dramatically increased. While this is greatly attributed to the advances in modern medicine, it is also in part because people are taking an active stance in their own lives and taking better care of themselves. Still, it is crucial to plan for the time when a great health insurance plan will mean good care and improved quality of life.
One of the biggest problems facing many seniors today is their inability to afford medication. Since many people over 65 take medication on a regular basis, most often more than one type simultaneously, it has become necessary in recent years to address this issue. Many healthcare plans won’t cover various medications, while others cover only a small part. This often means choosing the medications, or in some cases medication, the individual can afford, and which one or ones he or she can do without. This can be met with negative results, since it is presumed the person wouldn’t be taking the medication if it wasn’t necessary. There are, however, companies who have begun addressing this problem by offering prescription plans and insurance targeted for the elderly.
While there are many important aspects of elder healthcare to consider, there are steps that are being taken to help make it easier and more affordable. Legislature is addressing some of these issues and trying to come up with solutions to suit a variety of needs. Perhaps one day, seniors can look forward to retirement without having to worry about how they’ll pay for it.
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Dealing With Emotional Elders – Avoiding Guilt Pangs In The Elderly
by bobcrabtree1 Posted: Monday, 12/21/2009The life of a caregiver would be very easy if he had only to do the chores and paperwork for the elderly parents. This would not be an issue if the caregiver’s role was limited to this aspect. The job of taking care of the elderly is stressful to say the least. It brings about an emotional drain on the caregiver as well as the aged parent. It is assumed by both the sides that the care giving relationship is based on offering a large favor. Under the circumstances, guilt plays an important role in every element of care giving.
The senior citizen feels guilty for asking you to help out with their daily needs. In most cases, the care giver volunteered help, even though they did not ask for it. You as the caregiver, watching the situation may have intervened once you saw your parents need help in getting their life back on track. The elderly parents therefore, feel that you are spending vast amounts of your time tending to them instead of spending it with your family, or going to work. They feel guilty for imposing on your time.
The changes that the older adults face in terms of role reversals, dependency on their children or the loss of a spouse can be very difficult to cope. They feel guilty that they have ceased to be useful to anyone in any way and this increases their feeling of worthlessness. Their pillars of existence and the ideas of life in general begin to disappear. Simple things like driving around or even walking become an ordeal. They then begin to feel that had they not grown old, this would not have happened, a manifestation of guilt.
Guilt pangs are an issue with the care giver too. The constant thought of not doing enough, that certain things could have been done better is always creating these feelings of guilt. To worsen the situation the elders themselves may inflict guilt on you by complaining about their lives and not being satisfied or getting angry.
Guilt does not help improve the relationship nor does it improve the quality of life. So what does one do about this guilt running high in everyone’s emotions? To stop feeling guilty is a positive step for every body. The best option would be to sit down and talk about it. Convince your parent that they need not feel guilty for taking your help, and it is not their fault that they are getting old. They too had their share of sacrifices to make when you were a child needing support.
By confronting the issue of guilt, you can avoid it affecting your relationship with the elderly parent. You should learn to avoid the guilty feelings and thus pave the way to a healthy care giver and elder relationship. Feeling guilty about things helps no one and hence these feelings are best avoided.
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The Elders
I have got two sons. The first was born after one year of my marriage and the second was born after ten years of my marriage. This gap helped me a lot because the elder had been keeping the Younger busy when I could finish my house work.
When both were in college and school, the elder was helping the younger in his study and thus we could save a lot which we spared for the elder and engaged a tutor for him.
When the elder was at work and starting earning for the family, the younger was wholly dependant upon him. The younger has also finished his study and has got his name registered with the local Employment Exchange. He had been submitting his applications to different organizations and employers, but in spite of all his efforts he was not getting a job. He had been spending the whole day outside and thus had developed a habit of living idle. In spite of repeated instructions and directions from our side, he was not learning something which could help him in getting a suitable job. We were also suggesting him to consider some scheme for self employment. We were informed that banks had started giving loans for people to establish their own units and we were informed that the interest rate was also low because government of India had started subsiding the interest. But our son was not listening to us nor he was listening to the advice of his elder brother.
One day I called the younger and said, ?You know that your father has also retired and he is getting a very small amount as pension. The money we got has been spent on the marriage of your elder brother. Now he is earning and we all are dependant upon him. He has got a wife now. One day this new lady in the house may raise objection that they are not in a position to bear all this-She may demand separation. There fore, you should realize all this and do some work and start earning You should avoid all these insults. Let us avoid the opening of mouth of your elder brother. He is doing all this charity upon us including you. He had been helping you in your study. You would never be able to repay all this.?
My younger son had been listening to all this and very calmly said,
?Dear mother, you are talking about my elder brother. If he feels that he is doing something over and above to us, he should have waited. He should allowed me to come first in this world. Then I should have served the family. He could not wait and could not give his turn to me. He should suffer. The elders always suffer. You suffered because you came earlier. He suffered because he came earlier. I shall enjoy because I waited and has come late.?
I was surprised to note this answer from my younger son. What type of education he had been receiving in schools and colleges. This is the knowledge they gained from books. As and when my younger son came in front of me, sometimes I laughed and some times I wanted to rebuke him.
_______
High Bride-price in Africa: Blame our Elders in the Villages
by bobcrabtree1 Posted: Wednesday, 12/16/2009Several of our authors including Prof Buchi Emecheta have centered their works on the Bride-price in Africa but only few have been in fervent advocacy for considerations literarily intervening to bring down costly requests usually put up by our elders in demand for bride-price and dowries. African writers and all friends of the continent who wish us well should openly speak against incessant and unreasonable demand for money which we term bride-price. We often neglect this aspect of our social life, which has become terribly demanding on us, and continues to waste the lives of our daughters who should be living happily with their heartthrobs.
The time has come when we shall all rise up against our elders in the village, who sit down and expect news of marriage of daughters they contributed nothing in rearing. No news excites our elders in the village more than that of someone is asking for the hand of our daughter, I think the war has begun already, with traditional marriages now taking place outside our hometowns, in current places of abode, the stronghold of our elders who sit down in villages and expect ?settlements? (Money) is increasingly under threat.
Families who oppose traditional marriages taking place outside one?s hometown have no valid reasons to do so, after all, tradition in this sense simply means fulfilling the traditional aspect of the marriage not particularly with regards to where it should take place. People should made to get this clear, we should condemn the situation, our elders, vehemently reject the fulfillment of traditional marriages except it holds in the village for personal gains.
We also have a situation whereby people who know nothing about how a girl-child was reared would simply because he understands the child to have been educated up to tertiary level would demand for so much as a result of educational background. In the first place, educational background should not form a yardstick for determining how much bride-price should be paid for the head of a child. In first place, it baffles me on how the child nothing is known of by our elders now suddenly becomes a child of the entire village just because the issue of bride-price is at hand.
No matter how hard a single parent has worked to raise her daughter, when an issue concerns marriage she goes searching and begging elders who must not only preside over such a marriage but must also dictate how much should be involved for the workability of the marriage. Unhappy elders use the opportunity to make unrealistic demands insidiously to stall the marriage and tear the whole plan apart. High bride-price can be used to achieve this plan.
Our ladies are left with no option than to succumb to African insidious stall plans called bride-price. If the demand of bride-price must be made, our African elders must be thought to be reasonable after all, the era of slave trade is past, that is all we make them understand. Demand for non traditional items like umbrella, shoes, etc must become things of the past if our daughters are to become happily married to men of their choice.
Elders who want to live on bride-price, dowries, food and drinks from funeral should be taken care of by their own children, and must not be let lose to sit down to dictate how tradition demanded it in the past or series of precedents set in other communities. It particularly grieves me to listen to our elders ask questions on how it was when their sons went to that very village to marry a daughter of theirs. How much was demanded from them as dowries, why should there even be bargaining and haggling over a human being.
These things are increasing the number of able men in our society who are denied of marriage because they are expected to throw a very big party. We also hear there is this community in Nigeria where DJs are never allowed to play at marriages except live bands. You are there advised to include live band in plan for marriage. My advice to the elders of this village is that they should be put a stop to it immediately, music is music, no matter where the sound blares from, it still makes sense and danceable too.
Unimaginable contents in what has come to be known as marriage list should also be reasonable; a situation whereby such list contains unnecessary items and unconceivable amount of alcohols and expensive wines should be given re-consideration if our children must become some of the married couples in our society. Remember that if you unnecessary make certain unattainable demands today because you are giving out your girl-child to another family tomorrow, your male child will require you to accompany him to another family from another background entirely where you will haggle over unattainable demands to get your son married, and if you have no male child, your cousin may become a victim tomorrow, so stop the high demand of this bride-price today and you will have discouraged prostitution, HIV/AIDS spread and irresponsible life-style in our African society.
Emeka Esogbue hails from Ibusa, Delta State, Nigeria. He is is a Historian and International Relations gradutae and Political/Public Affairs Analyst.