Posts Tagged ‘Boomers’

Sandwiched Boomers: How To Nourish The Sandwich That Is You

The “Sandwich Generation” is a term that has now made it into the dictionary. It fits an increasing number of Boomer women whose reality includes being squeezed between the demands of growing children and the needs of aging parents.

A study by AARP and the National Alliance for Care-giving identified over 44 million Americans who are caring for ill adult family members, 60% of them women. According to the National Center on Health Statistics, about 80% of women in their 40’s have children for whom they are still somewhat responsible. Given these numbers, many of you may well be asking yourself, how can I balance caring for my parents, my children and myself? Here are some tips to help you sustain and nourish yourself:

1. Rejuvenate your spirits – soak in a hot tub, curl up with a good book, watch a beautiful sunrise. Solitude provides a chance to emotionally reconnect. Gail recognized, “I’m working on being kinder to myself. I am committed to daily prayer, to meditation, T’ai Chi, and relaxation. As I rebuild inner harmony, I am freer to do what is right for me.”

2. Don’t become isolated from your friends as you add caring for your parents to your already busy schedule. Maintain contact with them even if you are not able to spend as much physical time together. Karen agreed, “The blessings of my family, friends and faith have sustained me. Old friends have been wonderfully supportive. Since I no longer live near some of them, e-mail has been my lifeline.”

3. Let go of your negative feelings. Guilt is the most prevalent emotion of caregivers who worry that they’re not doing enough. Remind yourself that you’re doing what you can, given the realities of your life situation. Other times you may be feeling angry, resentful, or afraid of what’s to come. Acknowledge these universal reactions as you work through them.

4. Feel more positive by practicing relaxation or meditation. Think about three pleasant things that happened each day. Every night, before you go to bed, write affirmations about what is good in your life. Alice mused, “I try to stay positive and optimistic. Self-pity is terminal for me. I work on waking up happy I’m alive, going to bed satisfied with what I’ve done, living authentically. ‘She who laughs last, laughs best’ is my creed and ‘when you stumble make it part of the dance’ is my motto.”

5. Allow yourself the gift of laughter – rent a funny movie, find humor in daily life, or spend time with a friend who makes you happy. All of this helps you relieve stress, avoid burnout and brighten your outlook. Studies have shown that laughter triggers the release of endorphins and a good mood helps you develop creative solutions and make better decisions.

6. Ask for what you need from both professionals and family members. Don’t assume that you have to do everything yourself. Talk openly and honestly about how you feel and encourage other family members to pitch in and do their share. Develop firm boundaries to protect yourself as you handle family challenges.

7. Give yourself credit for all you do in finding balance in your life. Acknowledge and integrate the compliments that others give you. Let yourself enjoy the gratitude and love that your parents and children express for you. Thinking about what she had accomplished, Harriet felt, “This has really tested my strength. I still feel overwhelmed. But now I know I have the endurance to withstand just about anything.”"

As you assume greater responsibility for your parents and maintain your role in your children’s lives, enjoy the time and activities that allow you to take care of yourself.

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Male Sandwiched Boomers: A New Trend In Caregiving

With 2008 in full swing, perhaps you’ve already had your fill of economic and political predictions by experts and clairvoyants. However, if you happen to be a Sandwiched Boomer, the following quietly growing trend may surprise you. The results of recent studies indicate that nearly 40% of close to 44 million unpaid caregivers for the elderly are male. The call to honor loved ones is becoming an emerging pattern of male behavior.

Traditionally, the bulk of these caretaking responsibilities have been carried out by daughters. Women have left jobs or subjugated their work life in order to fulfill the duties associated with the ‘daughter track.’ But male caregivers are different than their sisters – they don’t cut back on work as often and they have a louder voice in the workplace. Some experts think that men are powerful enough to catapult this beyond what is perceived as a woman’s issue to a societal need, similar to Social Security and Medicare.

Although there are far more existing data on the experiences and needs of female caregivers, Metlife has recently completed a study called ‘Sons at Work.’ It found that, while 62% of women spoke with their co-workers about their care-giving responsibilities, only 48% of men did.

Despite core values of filial devotion, sons often don’t know how to go about finding help nor do they feel comfortable asking for it. Recognizing this resistance, here are some ideas that can affect a shift in attitude toward seeking assistance and support.

1. Men have special needs in this arena, often feeling embarrassed or guilty. Greater awareness and education can break down attitudinal restraints and emotional barriers – practical seminars, newsletters and health fairs are excellent venues by which to accomplish this.

2. Besides seeing groups as only for women, men don’t think these provide enough structure and focus on problem solving. It is important to reduce their perception that support is only for women. Reframe the concept by redefining the actual group process or by using an alternative definition such as a workshop.

3. Advocate for more appropriate and useful accommodations in the workplace: the availability of geriatric care managers, resources for work/home balance and extended paid leave.

4. Work on expanding the Lifespan Respite Care Act, passed by Congress in 2006. Although $300 million in grants was earmarked to help provide relief to those giving long-term care to family members, the cost of these needs is closer to $300 billion.

5. Through networking, introduce the caregiver to options like community resources and local services. This can reduce stress while enhancing their ability to maintain control over the care-giving role.

6. For those who want loved ones to remain at home longer, provide detailed information about homemaker services or meal delivery. And for assistance to the caregiver himself, help with respite care so he can take care of his own needs.

Americans today are living longer and are developing or dying from more chronic conditions. A greater number of parents now need care at the end of their lives. Many continue to live at home with their children as unpaid caregivers or move in with family, instead of into nursing homes.

Male caregivers are already living their own version of the numbers. Nearly half of them have symptoms of depression. Time is a main resource in short supply and that issue takes a heavy emotional toll. How can they take time for themselves when that is the resource they’re already borrowing? We all have to put our heads together as the groundswell of Baby Boomers faces these dilemmas and discovers there’s simply not enough to go around.

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Top 10 Best Web Sites for Baby Boomers and Seniors

I’ve researched thousands of web sites on my quest to find reliable and age-relevant resources for Boomers and seniors. I know how difficult it can be to find information on the net that’s accurate, trustworthy, user-friendly, and relevant to our 50something lifestyle. I’m committed to helping Baby Boomers and seniors discover the best content on the net, and I would never endorse a site that I wouldn’t use myself.

1. familydoctor.org http://familydoctor.org/
In addition to providing clear and concise senior health information, this site features a user-friendly format that’s easy to read

.2. Footsmart http://www.footsmart.com/
From the company that provides “smarter, better products for lower body health,” this user-friendly site allows Boomers to shop by brand, style, or by health condition.

3. Seniorclix http://www.seniorclix.org
Seniorclix provides national, state and community eldercare directories in addition to informative articles, brochures, and online courses that focus on the needs of seniors, family members, and caregivers.

4. Glam Girls http://www.cafeglam.com/
Clothes and fashion are a thorn in my side. The Glam Gals are the closest thing to my own personal shopper.

5. Sherrie Mathieson http://www.sherriemathieson.com/
I also love the age-appropriate style philosophy and timeless fashion tips of Sherrie Mathieson, a style consultant for people of all ages.

6. AARP Financial http://www.aarpfinancial.com/
Financial and retirement planning is a monumental challenge. Let the tools and resources at AARP Financial help you.

7. Overseas Adventure Travel http://www.oattravel.com
Explore out-of-the-way places in small groups led by fabulous tour guides who help you discover amazing places and unique experiences. OAT is also great for single travelers who can pay the low-cost single supplement or be matched with a roommate for further savings.

8. Pandora http://www.pandora.com/
This free music site plays your music whenever you want it. Rediscover old favorite artists or find new ones by exploring recommendations based on your personal selections.

9. Home Energy Saver http://hes.lbl.gov/hes/makingithappen/mih.html
This offshoot of the U.S. Department of Energy helps consumers determine how much energy and money can be saved and how much emissions can be reduced by implementing energy-efficient improvements.

10. Better World Shopper http://www.betterworldshopper.org/
I’m all for making this world a better place and I love this site’s concept and fresh approach to rating corporations. Let Ellis Jones, author of The Better World Shopping Guide, show you how you can spend your dollar to make a difference in this world.

Susan Levine is a boomer web entrepreneur and founder of www.50somethinginfo.com, a human-powered vertical search engine dedicated to delivering the best of the net to adults (both men and women) 50 years old and better. Discover more great Boomer sites and tips for senior living at http://50somethinginfo.blogspot.com/

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The U.S. Census Bureau reports that there are 306 million Americans, 78.2 million of whom—more than one-quarter—are Baby Boomers.  The oldest Boomers began turning 60 on New Year’s Day, 2006, slightly more than 40 months ago.  The generation that sincerely believed that it would never grow old is doing precisely that.  
This generation, “the pig moving through the python”–a disparaging reference to its size–is both the largest in American history and the first to have significant responsibilities for its aging, frequently infirm, parents’ needs—housing, healthcare, insurance, end-of-life planning, and a lot more.  
As we Boomers school ourselves about caregiving options for our parents, most of us ought to be thinking about our own advancing age and figuring out how we’re going to pay for our care.  We may consider nursing homes, assisted living facilities, or an alternative that will enable us to continue to live at home and receive the care we’ll need, such as <a title=In home healthcare from Great Places! onClick=”javascript:pageTracker._trackPageview(’/outgoing/article_exit_link’);” href=http://www.greatplacesinc.com/features/InHomeHealthCare.aspx>InHomeHealthCare</a>or  <a title=Adult day care from Great Places! onClick=”javascript:pageTracker._trackPageview(’/outgoing/article_exit_link’);” href=http://www.greatplacesinc.com/features/AdultDayCare.aspx>AdultDayCare</a>.  But it’s a demographic inevitability that as life expectancies continues to extend, we’re going to need help with basic daily functions—dressing, bathing, cooking, to name a few—perhaps for decades.
How will Boomers select OUR senior housing?  Proponents of “generational marketing” believe that generational values drive product marketing, and that each generation has unique values that are determined by their life experiences, lifestyles and social values.  Baby Boomers are routinely characterized as the “me generation,” the most egocentric in history.  This is the generation, after all, that grew up believing that the economic prosperity that existed after World War II would continue indefinitely.  “Shop ‘till you drop,” and “He who dies with the most toys wins!” are slogans that are claimed to reflect Boomers’ values and buying habits.  

On the other hand, Baby Boomers are also the “Woodstock Generation,” an age group that raged against their parents’ attitudes and mores, embracing the “hippie” lifestyle of “sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll.”  Many of them rejected the traditional family formation and structure, opting instead for informal, even communal, living arrangements, often seeking self-sufficiency by “living off the land.”

It is this latter modality that has gotten increasing traction as Boomers age.  After decades of indulging every shameless, greedy impulse, our generation seems to want to age gracefully and adopt healthy lifestyles.  Health, wellness and sustainability have become compatible and complementary to us.  

As a result, it may be no surprise that the “greenest” Americans are the oldest Americans.  As reported by WSL Strategic Retail (http://www.wslstrategicretail.com) a research firm that provides marketing information to retailers and manufacturers, fully 85 percent of those over 55 try to conserve energy or use natural products, for example, compared to only 65 percent of Americans under age 35.

The emerging model of elder living for Boomers.  In 2002, Dr. William Thomas began to develop an alternative to traditional nursing home care that he called the “Eden Alternative.”  Here’s how he describes his motivation for changing the culture of nursing facilities:

“I went to the nursing home and sat.  Yes, I just sat and watched.  . . .  I was just observing.  I sat in the lobby.  I sat in the dining room.  I sat in the solarium.  What I saw was something I had been too busy to see before.  What I saw were the elders suffering – not from the physical ailments that brought them to the nursing home, but from plagues of the human spirit.  I saw patients suffering and dying from loneliness, helplessness, and boredom.
“I knew that I had to do something.   This brought me to the story of Eden.  Every child in America knows this story of world-making.  Yes, I thought, ‘Human beings were not meant to live in a cold, sterile environment.  They were meant to live in a garden.  That is a true human habitat. We must create a place for our elders that is much more like a garden – the Garden of Eden!”
Dr. Thomas developed the Green House® model, a small, “intentional” community that is a radical departure from the traditional nursing home or assisted living facility.  This model changes the size of the facility, its interior design and staffing patterns, and, most important, the methodology for delivering services.  The Green House website (http://www.thegreenhouseproject.org) describes this approach as “a place where elders can receive assistance and support with activities of daily living and clinical care, without the assistance and care becoming the focus of their existence.”
The Green House serves six to ten elders, blending architecturally with neighboring homes.   Each resident has a private room or unit with a private bathroom.  The rooms are bathed with sunlight and are organized around a hearth, an open kitchen and dining area. They’re intended to look and feel like a home, with few medical signposts.  The floorplans, décor and furnishings provide a sense of warmth, while the use of smart technology (e.g., computers, wireless pagers, electronic ceiling lifts, and adaptive devices) demonstrates sustainable, “green” practices.

Equally important, residents are not subject to the limitations of the typical institutional schedule.  They sleep, eat, and participate in activities according to their own schedules.  Meals are prepared in the open kitchen and served at a large dining table where staff, elders and visitors enjoy nutritious food and good conversation with people who care about each other.

Laurence Harmon is a principal of Great Places, go there for more info on:
AdultDayCare,
InHomeHealthCare.

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Over 30 million Baby Boomers provide countless hours of assistance to elderly parents at no charge. It is estimated that, using average hourly wages, the total amount of this uncompensated care is comparable to the entire Medicare budget. For the estimated 7 million Boomers who provide long distance care, actual out of pocket expenses amount to almost $5,000 per month. For caregivers who have, or are considering leaving the workforce to care for an ailing parent, the costs are even greater – over $650,000 in forfeited salaries, benefits and pensions.


This stark economic reality shows only one dimension of the price caregivers pay for this act of love.


Caregivers pay with losses that extend well beyond their bank accounts. They often forego the activities that bring joy and richness to their lives, like meeting friends for dinner, or going out to the movies or taking family vacations. They pay with their time, the loss of professional opportunities and the erosion of personal relationships that result in isolation.


Sometimes, otherwise healthy loved ones need a short dose of care as they recover from an acute medical episode like a broken leg. Usually loved ones are on a path of steady decline with cascading assistance needs. Some caregivers sacrifice large chunks of their own lives as they help their parents and other family members and friends peacefully make their transitions. Caregivers can pay with their own health and well-being. In fact, we have evidence that some caregivers pay for their acts of care with their very lives.


You can decrease the personal and economic costs of caregiving. This means proactive planning rather than reactive responding. Planning saves money. You know this as you reflect upon your experiences of going to the grocery store with and without a shopping list. Planning also minimizes personal wear and tear and decreases stress. You will feel much better when you know your options and develop back-up plans before you jump into a challenging project.


5 Tips to Decrease the Cost of Caregiving:


1. Begin the conversation today. We have tremendous cultural resistance to the recognition of aging, disability and death. Just as the first few steps uphill are the hardest, so, too, you may meet the greatest resistance simply starting the conversation about their possible need for care. Say today, “Mom and Dad, it would be great if you lived forever, but the discovery for the fountain of youth is nowhere on the horizon. What thoughts and plans do you have about enjoying your golden years?”


2. Create a plan. Talk with your parents about their ideal plan if they are no longer able to care for themselves. Then, start to work toward that proactively. Investigate long-term care insurance. Draw up the appropriate legal documents. Find out who would make medical choices if they were not able to make them on their own, along with some guiding principles for the choices. You can anticipate and limit parental resistance by saying, “Mom and Dad, I just got back from the lawyer’s office signing my will and durable medical power of attorney. I’ve asked Mitch to make my medical choices if I cannot make them myself. Just so you know, if I were in vegetative state, I wouldn’t want to be maintained on a machine. You probably already planned ahead too, right?”


3. Use personal and community resources. Make caregiving a family job to which each member contributes. Even children can make grandma’s life special with drawings and phone calls. Identify services that make your job as a caregiver easier. If you and your parents live in the same community, check with friends and neighbors and local organizations to learn about services and resources that will make your job easier. You say, “Mom has just moved in with us, and she wants to ?find a card game with the girls.’ Do you know of any senior centers that have social events? How about transportation?”


We’re a mobile society and millions of caregivers live more than an hour away from their parents. Executive William Gillis learned from his own personal experience how challenging it is to identify community resources from afar. As he was carving the path that ultimately led his on-line portfolio management service, he became the caregiver for his father. Talk about mixed emotions! Professionally, he was introducing a service that let millions manage their investments with one click of a computer mouse. Personally, he was investing untold hours just to find one bit of information to help his dad.”


As with so many innovators, he used his personal and professional experience to launch Parent Care (www.parents-care.com), a service that he wished would have made his life as a caregiver-at-a-distance easier.


4. Gather cost-savings tips. This might mean something as simple as ordering generic medication or regularly inquiring about senior discounts. But, most cost savings opportunities aren’t as obvious. Mr. Gillis found, for example, that some states will pay for phones for hearing, visually or mobility limited seniors or fund home safety improvements. He said, “We’ve invested heavily to locate time and money saving resources that most would have difficulty finding. I made it a personal mission to help other caregivers avoid some of the costs and frustration I encountered.” You don’t have to re-invent the wheel. Tap into the resources others have collected.


5. Take care of yourself. You will be able to provide the best care as a caregiver when you’re at your best. Get good nutrition, enough sleep and regular exercise. Manage your stress and do a little something every day to nurture your soul. Understand that you are at increased risk for anxiety, depression, and weakening your immune system. Talk to your doctor if you see worrisome signs such as problems sleeping, changes in appetite or loss of interest in activities you enjoy.


Despite the costs, most caregivers say that they received much more than they gave. Most say they would do it again, and many do.


Sometimes the question is not the personal cost of caregiving; it’s the value that you bring to the lives of others that matter at the end. What personal cost are you willing to pay for the privilege of helping those who welcomed you into the world to enjoy their golden years and travel the road of illness with love and dignity?

Dr. Vicki is a board-certified surgeon and Clinical Instructor at the University of Washington School of Medicine who left the operating room to help caregivers and patients take the most direct path from illness to optimal health. Want more tips about caregiving? Get your free report “Caring for the Caregiver” by emailing Dr. Vicki Rackner today at DrVicki@DrVicki.org and be sure to check out her regular column with the Johnson & Johnson Consumer Products Group’s new caregiver web site http://www.strengthforcaring.com

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