Posts Tagged ‘Avoiding’

Dealing With Emotional Elders – Avoiding Guilt Pangs In The Elderly

by bobcrabtree1 Posted: Monday, 12/21/2009

The life of a caregiver would be very easy if he had only to do the chores and paperwork for the elderly parents. This would not be an issue if the caregiver’s role was limited to this aspect. The job of taking care of the elderly is stressful to say the least. It brings about an emotional drain on the caregiver as well as the aged parent. It is assumed by both the sides that the care giving relationship is based on offering a large favor. Under the circumstances, guilt plays an important role in every element of care giving.

The senior citizen feels guilty for asking you to help out with their daily needs. In most cases, the care giver volunteered help, even though they did not ask for it. You as the caregiver, watching the situation may have intervened once you saw your parents need help in getting their life back on track. The elderly parents therefore, feel that you are spending vast amounts of your time tending to them instead of spending it with your family, or going to work. They feel guilty for imposing on your time.

The changes that the older adults face in terms of role reversals, dependency on their children or the loss of a spouse can be very difficult to cope. They feel guilty that they have ceased to be useful to anyone in any way and this increases their feeling of worthlessness. Their pillars of existence and the ideas of life in general begin to disappear. Simple things like driving around or even walking become an ordeal. They then begin to feel that had they not grown old, this would not have happened, a manifestation of guilt.

Guilt pangs are an issue with the care giver too. The constant thought of not doing enough, that certain things could have been done better is always creating these feelings of guilt. To worsen the situation the elders themselves may inflict guilt on you by complaining about their lives and not being satisfied or getting angry.

Guilt does not help improve the relationship nor does it improve the quality of life. So what does one do about this guilt running high in everyone’s emotions? To stop feeling guilty is a positive step for every body. The best option would be to sit down and talk about it. Convince your parent that they need not feel guilty for taking your help, and it is not their fault that they are getting old. They too had their share of sacrifices to make when you were a child needing support.

By confronting the issue of guilt, you can avoid it affecting your relationship with the elderly parent. You should learn to avoid the guilty feelings and thus pave the way to a healthy care giver and elder relationship. Feeling guilty about things helps no one and hence these feelings are best avoided.

Abhishek successfully runs an Old Age Home and he has got some great Eldercare Secrets up his sleeves! Download his FREE 80 Pages Ebook, “How To Take Great Care Of Elders” from his website http://www.Senior-Guides.com/560/index.htm . Only limited Free Copies available.

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Avoiding Caregiver Burnout

by bobcrabtree1 Posted: Monday, 12/7/2009

Caring for one’s loved ones is a tough job that requires a lot of responsibility. As a family caregiver, not only do you have to manage your loved one’s health and medical needs, you also have to manage their daily living needs, including legal, financial, and social concerns. Judging from the important issues listed above, it is not hard to see that caregiving is often difficult, exhausting, and emotionally upsetting. Many times it feels like the care-receiver makes too many demands on the caregiver. At the same time, the caregiver still has to deal with her/his own responsibilities of work, marriage, and child rearing/parenting. In addition, the care-receiver and the caregiver may not see eye-to-eye regarding how caregiving situations should be handled.

Stress can be exhibited in a number of ways: physical symptoms such as muscle tension or increased blood pressure, behavioral symptoms such as depression or verbal or physical abuse, emotional symptoms such as the inability to concentrate, or loss of self-esteem, or participate in escape activities, such as excessive alcohol or drug use. To better manage stress it may be necessary to modify the source of stress and/or change your reaction to it.

To combat any stress that comes with being a caregiver it may be advantageous to keep a stress journal, noting events and issues that triggered a feeling of stress. Laughter, exercise, breathing techniques, meditation; guided imagery or visualization, yoga, music, a long, hot bath and other simple remedies are available to relieve stress. The main thing is that caregivers need to realize they must take care of themselves as well, to not let stress get to them. Otherwise, you’ll fail as a caregiver and be left with your own physical or emotional pains.

To avoid the stress of caregiving and, what I like to call, “caregiver burnout” it is important to share your feelings about your caregiving experience. Find someone you can talk to about this. Support groups are a sure-fire method of finding someone with whom you can talk.

Ultimately, there are eight steps a caregiver must focus on to control those things that cause stress:

1. Become aware of your stressors and your reactions. Don’t gloss over your problems.

2. Recognize what you can change and change what you can.

3. Reduce the intensity of your emotional reactions to stress. Are your expectations accurate?

4. Learn to moderate your physical reactions to stress. Take deep, slow breaths.

5. Build your physical reserves. Exercise.

6. Maintain your emotional reserves. Be kind to yourself.

7. Find someone to talk to about what you’re feeling. Join a support group.

8. If you cannot change the situation and cannot change the way you view the situation, you can still manage stress by mastering other skills. You can learn to “turn off” your stress.

Achieving the ability to turn one’s stress off is an important component to being the best caregiver possible. This is a difficult task to undertake with immediacy, however, it is something that can be achieved by following the steps and passages listed above.

“The Family Caregiver’s Starter Kit was written specifically to help family caregivers,” says Rebecca Sharp Colmer, CSA, its creator. “It provides answers to everyday questions about caregiving. Many have been thrust into the role of caregiver, whether they were prepared or not. It helps to know what resources are available, how to find them, and what to do with them.”

Visit http://www.meandmyfamily.com for more.

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Eight Tips for Avoiding Eldercare Burnout

by bobcrabtree1 Posted: Friday, 12/4/2009

The biggest risk to your parent continuing to live at home is caregiver burnout. Using the eight tips to avoid it can prevent heartache, headache and preserve your health. It will help you to learn why most of us put self care on the back burner.

I know the principles of self care and tips to avoid burnout but ignored the warning signs until I had a crisis. My moment of truth came after spending five days in the hospital as a cardiac patient. I became ill during an intense visit with my mother. On the very day I was admitted to the hospital, I took care of my mom until I had to ask my dad to take me to the hospital.

Burnout is the result of unrelenting mental and physical fatigue. Putting routines in place before you reach that level of exhaustion is better than arriving at burnout and trying to dig yourself out. Take the challenge and use the eight tips so that you avoid burnout and remain balanced and healthy. When you take care of yourself, you are taking care of your parent.

Eight tips to avoid eldercare burnout
1. Create a caregiving mission statement to clarify what you are trying to accomplish with and for your parent. Think through the meaning that caring for parents has for you. Connecting caregiving to your values supports you during tough times.

2. Set limits on your caregiving. Work to identity what you can reasonably do to help your parent. Be sure to get feedback and advice on setting reasonable limits from someone you trust. It’s easy to set the bar too high for yourself. Watch for ever increasing caregiving responsibilities and regularly re-evaluate your responsibilities.

3. Don’t take care of your parent all by yourself. Build a team of helpers, family, friends and paid caregivers. Accustom your parent from the very beginning to the idea that you are not their only helper.

4. Schedule self care and breaks from caregiving just like you schedule your parent’s doctor appointments and your child’s birthday party. If you don’t schedule self care routines, they most likely will not happen. Choose to put yourself first. I know this is the opposite of your instincts but you are irreplaceable. Think of yourself as the engine of a car. Without regular maintenance, the car breaks down.

5. Take a real break from caregiving on a regular basis by letting someone else take charge. You need a physical and mental break from your responsibilities. It could be a day, an hour, a couple of days or a whole holiday away. Get completely away from your responsibilities.

6. Join a support group. Knowing you are not alone in the challenges you face is powerful. Your support group can be a great source of advice and allow you to share what you have learned with newer caregivers.

7. Be physically active. Now more than ever you need the stress relief, wellness and stamina that exercise provides. Get your endorphins pumping with a daily walk or other exercise.

8. Gather your parent’s documents and important papers and keep them organized. Prevent the stress of trying to find something vital during a crisis. Create a binder to store all your parent’s records related to their care. Be sure to have a daily planner to track appointments. Create a to-do list. Store their health care directive, list of prescription drugs and medical history in the binder. Keep copies of their insurance and Medicare cards. Include some blank paper for making notes when your parent visits the doctor.

In the 90’s Stephen and Sandra Joyce moved back home to Ireland and began a 10 year care experience to help care for Steve’s parents. This inspired them to found EldercareABC.com. The site includes a team of specialists to serve those caring for an aging parent and offers a place where care givers can be heard and contribute to their community. Stephen Joyce EldercareABC, Inc. EldercareABC Blog EldercareABC, Inc.

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